Food and Weight: An Ongoing Journey

Calls to Action Occur in the Damndest Ways

Posted on: February 20, 2013

When I woke up today from my regularly scheduled nap, I had forgotten to change the channel on the tv, and what was playing was one of those celebrity gossip shows. Now I don’t watch those, but as I was reaching for the remote they started talking about Chaz Bono.  Not so much the regular gossip, but about his ongoing weight-loss, which, apparently, is being supervised by Travis Stork, from The Doctors.

What caught my attention about this article was not the weight he has lost (although, congratulations — 43 lbs. off is no small feat, by any means). What caught my attention was that Dr. Stork noted that Chaz did it via portion control and exercise, two of the three big things that Weight Watchers stresses.  Dr. Stork also noted that Chaz chose things he loves – dancing and mixed martial arts – as exercise, so that he would enjoy moving, and not feel like he was being compelled to work out.

From where I sit, and I sit far too much, that leaves me in a pretty bad position.  Yeah, I track; yeah, I do Portion Control (the only kind of “PC” I ever think is appropriate); but my favorite exercise is walking, and – between my neuropathy and the damned winter – I do far too little of it.

I used to walk three to five miles a day.  These days, if I walk a quarter of a mile, it’s a huge thing. I have been feeling vaguely guilty for not moving more.  I know that beating myself up over it will not accomplish a darned thing, though. The thing is, it’s been so cold that I have no desire to go out.  And I’ve been so broke this year that I have no destination when I do. I used to love to take the express bus into the city and walk around; maybe even hit a museum or gallery, have lunch, walk more, meet a friend, maybe have dinner, then go home. But gaining the weight and getting so sick seems to have taken all that away from me. I need to get back to it, and – more importantly – I want to. I don’t even mind having to use a cane for long distances.

What I hate is when the neuropathy kicks in. My neuropathy manifests as either one or both legs falling asleep while I’m walking. This means I cannot feel the ground, except in a way that feels like I’m walking on moving sponges. And that feels very unsafe when I’m experiencing it. The cane helps, because it stabilizes me, and it gives me something to lean on when I need to stop and rest. And, if I keep walking the legs eventually wake up. But it can take anywhere from moments to the better part of an hour for the neuropathy to wear off. And it’s scary while it’s happening. Very scary. If I don’t have a cane with me, I need to either stop until the worst of it passes, or grab onto the arm of the person I’m hanging out with. (C, the roomie, the ex, N, and A are usually the people I trust to go outside with minus the cane.)

And the worst part is that I did this to myself by gaining back (in less than a year) the 80 lbs. I had already lost. That’s the thing I keep getting stuck on. I’m not beating myself up about it, mind. I did it already, and I can’t wish the result away. But the inertia has built up over the months I gained back the weight, and the cellulitis and – now – the congestive heart failure just made me even more inertial — even while they are the biggest call to action I have had to date.

At any rate, I need to do more walking and less sitting. How I will get myself to do that, I don’t yet know. I suspect that it will work the way most things do. At one point, I will just get sufficiently annoyed that I will just get up off my behind and start walking.

Sigh, sometimes, knowing myself, and how I work, is not the most fun thing in the world.

What holds you back? What will it take to get you off that position? 


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