Archive for the ‘Feelings’ Category
Today’s Been an Eating Kind of Day…
Posted on: April 1, 2013
- In: Feelings | Life Happens
- 2 Comments
…although my food choices were not bad ones. However, I know there is something driving this, although I cannot figure out what just yet.
And a big part of curbing the extra eating is figuring out what interior “hole” I am trying to fill, so it’s annoying that I can’t put my finger on it. I can tell you some of the things it isn’t, but that would solve nothing, and I don’t have the time at the moment.
I’m awash in work, which is a good thing for a freelancer to be, but it doesn’t allow for a lot of introspection.
A funny note: I’m not so thrilled with one of the current WW spokespersons – Jennifer Hudson. I have no idea why this is, but she just leaves me kinda cold. The odd thing, though, is that Ms. Hudson and I apparently share a birthday (well, month and day, anyway). I seem to have the weirdest co-birthday celebrities: Maurice Chevalier, Jesse Owens, Jennifer Hudson, Yao Ming, George Jones, Neal Peart, Barry White, Henry Hudson, Linda Gray, Amy Yasbeck, Louis C.K. Rachel Ward, Maria Muldaur, Ben Folds, H.L.Mencken, and Ben Blue.
Anyway, I must get back to work, so I don’t fall behind.
Getting My Head Back Together
Posted on: March 11, 2013
I’ve been off my program lately.
I’m not sure what the stumbling block is, but I am not going to bevat myself up about it. I do want to get back to being on point, but I seem to be craving a lot of foods that are, shall we say, a bit on the counterproductive side.
I suspect that part of it is depression over my health, and part of it is resistance to having to make more adjustments to my diet, which my brain is stubbornly refusing to acknowledge the necessity of.
I know that I need to get myself back on track, but I also know that forcing it will just lead to me resisting what I need to do for my own health.
The other thing I know is that this is just a bump in the road. I will get back on track, even if it takes a while. It’s not just an “I want to look good” thing, it’s an “I want to feel like myself again” thing.
I’ve Been Busy Lately
Posted on: January 28, 2013
- In: Feelings | Life Happens | Self-work
- Leave a Comment
Okay, foodwise, I am still going heavily into my weekly Points Plus allowance. I accept that this happens. And, thanks to Diana, I am not beating myself up over doing so.
I’ve been working hard on a lifestyle change project: getting my apartment to reflect who I really am. It’s been hard work — going through boxes and boxes of stuff that’s been sitting there for eight years. I’ve had some help with it from both the roomie and friends, but the truth is that if I want this place to look the way I want it to, I am going to have to do the bulk of it myself.
The good news, is that the better the apartment looks, the less frustrated I feel, and the less I feel the need to stuff down that frustration with food. And moving all the crap around has got to be good for Activity points. The bad news is it’s going to take the better part of the year to get the place to really be the way II want it. My sister was here yesterday, and had a bunch of ideas — some really good, others not so much *my* style. A lot will have to be done piecemeal, given my finances, but at least it’s all in process.
I’ve also been working on some kitting commissions, which will hopefully raise some cash for some dental work that Medicaid won’t cover. Getting the dental work done soon will keep it from being much worse later.
So, this weekend, I haven’t done much cooking, all told, and don’t have much fascinating to report. I’m here; I’m doing okay; and I expect to keep going forward on all fronts. Not too terrible for just about one month into 2013.
How is your 2013 going? What plans of yours have an impact on sticking to your program? What do you want to do better (or differently) this year?
Not in My Usual Spot
Posted on: January 24, 2013
Seriously.
For the first time ever on WW, I am over my weekly points allowance. Okay, it’s only by 3 points, but it still doesn’t feel very good.
Normally, I’m pretty good at managing my points allowances – both daily and weekly. This week, however, I have been feeling ravenous all week. Coupled with a party on Saturday, where I indulged a bit more than I would normally have done, I mismanaged my allowances.
Mind, it wasn’t all spent on junk. In fact, the majority of the points I spent were actually spent on good, nutritious things. Veggies in combination with proteins or whole grains have made up the bulk of this week’s foods. I’ve had at least one nice sized batch of greens daily, and quinoa, and my lentil quinoa burgers. I’ve used either a wedge of Laughing Cow or fat-free cottage cheese whenever cheese was called for.
I still have an evening and a full day before weigh-in. I am not “dreading” weigh-in, but I am curious to see what effect going over my weekly points allowance will have. Since I regard the scale as “just a guide,” I am not overly concerned, especially since the pair of 3X sweat pants that was snug when i found them a few weeks ago is now loose enough that I told the roomie that I would be getting rid of them after this wearing/washing.
Have you ever gone over your food allowance? What kinds of foods did you go over it with? How did it affect your frame of mind toward your ability to stay on your program? Did you beat yourself up, or just note it and move forward?
- In: Feelings | Life Happens | Perspective | Walking | Weight loss
- Leave a Comment
I’m sitting here watching the 12.12.12 concert on cable, and thinking about my blessings. I’m also noticing who is willing to put their money where there mouths are in terms of helping to raise funds to help the tri-state area. I’m also noting who is not there — several signers I know of who were born in the NY area, and who don’t hesitate to play that card to attract fans (and yes, for those who know me, I am directly thinking of two particular boybanders).
But mostly, I am considering how lucky I am — all we lost was the tree out front. And while I can’t donate tons of money to help this time around, I can help individual friends and family who have been affected, and I have been doing so.
Whether or not you live in an area blasted by Sandy, are you remembering to take time to acknowledge all that you still do have?
While watching Mick Jagger dance around on the stage, I asked — half-jokingly — a friend (via chat), “Do you think that if I danced around like that every day for an hour or two I could get my abs back?” Her response: “Probably. Put on some music every day, and dance like no one’s watching?” I told her, “I’m thinking of doing that.” And I am. I love music, but I listen to far too little of it these days. While I sincerely doubt that I will ever be as good a dancer as Jagger (yeah, yeah, I know white boys can’t dance), I can at least get my hopefully shrinking butt moving, even when I can’t go out. Will have to try it for a few weeks and see if it makes an impact on my energy and my weight.
Is there any performer you would like to move like? And how do you think practicing to move like him or her would impact your weight regimen?
I also got a bunch of errands done today – including a dentist visit, refilling my MetroCard, picking up a prescription, buying yarn for a cowl for the winter, and getting to a local bank, then home. Normally this would not be of note, but I did it all by bus and walking. Not something I have been able to do for a while. Didn’t even need to call a car service to get home!
And I have another marker of impending success at losing the weight: I fit into a pair of sweat pants I had despaired of fitting into. Not only that, one of my size 3X tee-shirts is now big enough for me to wear as a nightgown! Sings of progress that are much more reliable, in their way, than numbers on a scale (which can vary from scale to scale). I am pleased.
What are your touchstones as far as progress goes? A number on a scale? A number on a clothing tag? Fitting into a favorite item you had gotten too large for?
…and I promise not to make a habit of that.
Yesterday was hard.
I did get my internet back on Tuesday, but then something was wrong with the roomie’s internet. After spending the better part of the day and night trying to get it back, I gave up and went to bed.
Woke up yesterday feeling incredibly bleak. It was the 28th, and we had no money until the end of the month. I had, while working on the roomie’s internet, called the friend I was supposed to be meeting and postponed that until Sunday, which is the last possible day to see one of the two exhibits at the Brooklyn Museum that we had been planning to see. Got notified by the bank that two more payments were declined — and this is still stemming from the deficit caused the last time the roomie screwed up (in October). She is not happy about having to put more money than usual into the account for our expenses, but I am not happy about incurring hundreds of dollars in bounce fees because she got scared of a creditor.
So I stayed in bed mot of the day, feeling hopeless and — something I try not to do — sorry for myself. And when I did get up, I jut ate what was in the house — a small corn muffin for breakfast, and two bowls of chicken and rice (one for lunch one for dinner). I didn’t bother with portion control, nor did I bother tracking. I also did a little phone tech support for my sister, and sat on the phone for an hour with a Cablevision tech, and about an hour with a techie friend trying to get the roomie’s internet back. The techie friend and I managed to narrow down the issue to that the roomie’s computer is not seeing the router, even when it is directly plugged in to the computer. Fortunately, I made the roomie purchase a service contract, so she is going to take the machine back to the store and have them fix it.
Anyway, the upshot of all the above is that I have been feeling particularly down and miserable, and I reverted to what my old eating habits were. I didn’t think, I didn’t choose to do so, I just reacted the way I have so many times before — shoved down the frustration, anger, helplessness, and hopelessness with food.
However, now that that ha happened, I have acknowledged that I did so, and will not beat myself up over it. I am going to move forward, and work at being more cognizant of what is going on WHEN IT I GOING ON, so that I can deal with the issues in a more appropriate manner.
While I was at the doctor’s on Monday, I was able to obtain a clearance from him for dental work, so I have an appointment today at 2:30 with the new dentist. I really love my old dentist, but he is not on the list of dentists approved by the Medicaid dental plan, so I chose the dentist nearest my house.
Anyway, I again apologize for being late with this, and I will have my regular accountability post on Friday.
Peace.
Keeping the Fridge Door Closed
Posted on: October 31, 2012
- In: Feelings | Life Happens | Self-work
- Leave a Comment
As I’ve already said, we got hit by Hurricane Sandy. Fortunately, I live one block into Zone B, so we didn’t have to evacuate. On Monday night, however, the tree in front of the house got uprooted, and took three light posts, with power lines attached, down with it:
The house with the tree branches obscuring it is the house across the street…fortunately, being late at night when it came down, no one was hurt. Even more of a miracle, there wasn’t a car in front of the house (parking spots around here are generally hard to find). Also fortunate, although the power lines went down, very few of them actually snapped, so I have had light and power, with just a few flickers. Until last night, that is.
I was working on a post for the knitting blog when the power went down at around 9:05 pm. Using the roomie’s landline, I made a few calls to let people know what had happened. The first of those calls was to my ex, who lives about 20 minutes away in Flatbush. He had been trying to call me to tell me that his power had gone down again, but T-Mobile went down for a bit at the same time as the power, so he couldn’t call me (I have a cell phone, and VOIP, neither of which were working). We got power back shortly after midnight, and it turned out that Con Edison had shut down electricity in Homecrest, Midwood, Sheepshead Bay, and a huge chunk of Flatbush because a transformer had blown, and they wanted to fix it, while preventing further outages from system overloads.
Not knowing this at the time, the roomie and I sat for a few minutes, and discussed what we had in the pantry that we could use, so that we didn’t have to open the doors of the refrigerator or the freezer, so we could keep the stuff inside them as cold as possible.
Of course, keeping the fridge door closed was probably the best way to stay on program for me. Seriously. There wasn’t much we could do, during the blackout, though, so I took a much needed nap.
I won’t say it’s been an easy few days, though. It hasn’t. Like most people, I have been raised with food as a major comfort mechanism. (In fact, I think I noted last entry that one of the things I cooked was a large pot of my favorite childhood comfort food – my mother’s split pea soup.) I have been using my weekly points — something I usually don’t do, preferring to save them for dinners out or for special occasions.
I am not sure if I will gain or lose this week, and frankly, I’m not worried about it. I am doing my best to not go off course, but — honestly — there are a lot more important things to deal with this week. The roomie and I are trying to make sure all our financial stuff for the month is in order — no easy task when her credit union’s main office is in lower Manhattan, and my credit union’s main office is out on Long Island. I have been mostly sticking to program, and am very glad that I’ve been able to keep using eTools to track my food.
As for emotions — I think I’ve experienced them all over the last few days. And, for the most part, I’ve just sat and experienced them, rather than shoving them down with food.
I’ve also kept busy. I’ve done some writing, some knitting, a lot of chatting with friends online and making sure that folks I know in real life were safe and out of dangerous areas. I even got a short walk (around the block) in on Tuesday morning.
I only have one question today: What do you do to “keep the fridge door closed” during a time of major stress?
See everyone Friday, Lord willing and the water don’t rise again!
Rainy Days and Mondays
Posted on: October 15, 2012
- In: Feelings | Recipes
- Leave a Comment
It’s a rainy day, and a Monday, Oddly, the weather seems to have decreased my appetite. I have combined breakfast and lunch, and used up the leftovers from the Chinese takeaway we had last night.
I think that, with the weather getting colder, this would be a good time to post my 16-bean and beef chili recipe. It’s about as easy to make as can be, and is a wonderful welcome home on a nasty day.
——————————————————
16-Bean and Beef Chili
(Makes 26 1/2-cup portions)
Ingredients:
- 1 bag Goya 16 bean Soup Mix
- 1 can Ro*Tel Original Diced Tomatoes & Green Chilies
- 1 can or jar of tomato sauce (26 – 32 oz)
- 1 giant can of crushed tomatoes
- 2 1/2 lbs. of ground beef
- 1 tsp chili powder
- 1 tsp garlic
- 1 tsp onion powder (or 1/2 onion chopped fine)
- 1 Tbsp ground cumin
- 1 tsp cinnamon
- 1 tsp nutmeg
Method:
- Prepare the beans for use per the package instructions.
- In a frying pan or skillet, brown the ground beef in a little bit of not fat cooking spray, chopping it into small pieces as you go.
- In a large pot on the stove, combine all ingredients.
- Bring to a boil, then lower the heat to medium.
- Simmer for two to three hours, stirring occasionally.
POINTS PLUS Value: 5 per 1/2 cup serving
NOTES:
- I typically use onion powder in the chili, but serve it with chopped onions, a bit of shredded cheese, and some fat-free sour cream, which would increase the Points Plus value, depending on what you use..
- I also added the cinnamon and nutmeg for the first time with this variation, after talking with several chili cooks, and doing some web research.
- I divide the finished chili into half-cup portions and use inexpensive small containers from the dollar store to store them, so that I can freeze half of what I make, and fridge the other half.
——————————————————
If you do try the recipe, I would love your feedback.
So, here are today’s questions: What is your favorite comfort food on rainy day? On a day when you’ve been stressed beyond belief? What category do your comfort foods fall into (savory, starchy, sweet, warm, etc.)?
- In: Feelings | Questions | Self-work | Weight loss
- 10 Comments
Over the last few weeks, I have been spending large chunks of time at my sister’s house, trying to get her computers to work together, and — in the case of the 23-year-old desktop, to work at all.
One of the challenges I have had, therefore, is eating at my sister’s. She is an excellent cook, and has been trying to support me in losing weight. She has made huge salads for me, measured out pasta so I have the correct portion, bought apples and cut them up or me to munch on while I worked, and generally been very thoughtful about what she offered me.
It’s been something of a major change in our relationship. Prior to this time, her attitude has been that she was making what she was making and if it didn’t support my program that was my worry.
Now, I’m not faulting her. Most people really don’t want to go out o their way to build a menu they are making for many people around one person’s food foibles, be they allergies, likes & dislikes, or food programs.
I am, in fact, praising her for being willing to change her habits to support my program. It is one of the greatest feelings to know just how solidly she has my back this time around. It is one of the most incredibly empowering feelings I have ever known around this issue.
And make no mistake about it, family support is a very powerful tool for success.
I was watching the news this morning, and heard about the case of Jennifer Livingston, a TV news anchor who some man — who admits to not even watching the show she anchors — took to task for being obese in public. In part, the complainer said:
“Obesity is one of the worst choices a person can make and one of the most dangerous habits to maintain. I leave you this note hoping that you’ll reconsider your responsibility as a local public personality to present and promote a healthy lifestyle.”
Instead of letting this jerk shame her, she took it public, responding to his note on TV:
“The truth is I am overweight. You can call me fat and yes, even obese on a doctor’s chart. To the person who wrote me that letter, do you think I don’t know that? Your cruel words are pointing out something I don’t see? You don’t know me. You are not a friend of mine. You are not a part of my family, and you admitted that you don’t watch this show so you know nothing about me besides what you see on the outside — and I am much more than a number on a scale.”
As an obese person myself, I wanted to stand up and cheer! For too damned long people assume that — under the guise of being helpful and concerned — they have the right to tell us how we should look, and how we should feel if we don’t look the way they think is appropriate.
Another aspect is that I know thin people who are totally sickly, and heavy people who can run marathons, or climb mountains.
What the thin fanatics do not seem to get is that people come in all shapes and sizes, as well as in all colors, and that is just fine. Further, unless their opinion is sought (and there are people who we might ask opinions of), it is neither their business nor their place to offer them.
I do not know a single heavy person who is not acutely aware of their weight and of the stigma that this society places on them for no better reason than their size. I have heard young women swear that they would not get pregnant because the don’t want to be fat. And I wonder how twisted we have become, as a society, that if one carries extra poundage one is seen as lazy, stupid, oafish, undesirable, etc.
It was not so very long ago, if you remember, that extra pounds meant that you could afford to eat well, and therefore considered a good thing. One should also remember that some of the most memorable women in history had lush curves, instead of protruding bones.
Most importantly, all of us need to remember that weight does not equate to self-worth. It is just one of a number of variables that make people what they are, and people who are intent on forcing others to conform to some set body image of their own are nothing more than bullies, no matter how politely they couch their prejudice.
So, today’s questions to look at are: Have you ever been made to feel bad or worthless because of your weight? Has someone tried to shame you into losing weight? How did that feel? Did you buy into being ashamed of yourself for being obese? Did you ever speak back to those attempting to enforce their body stereotypes on you? If so, how did that feel? Even if you are trying to lose weight, would you stand up for the right of others to be who and what they are?
A Potentially Rough Month
Posted on: October 1, 2012
I am concerned that this month is going to post significant challenges on a number of grounds.
First is financial. As many of you know, I have a roommate whose financial acumen is roughly half of that of a piece of paper toweling. She has screwed up again, leaving us without grocery money for the month. Since my program relies heavily on produce, which you can’t really buy “once a month”, this is going to keep me challenged to find ways to eat that are on my program, but are not expensive. I know about buying a lot and making soups and chili and such, but we are starting the month $500 in the hole, so this is going to be a significant challenge.
Second is the harder part: It would be really easy to just give up at the start, scream that the roomie is sabotaging my efforts, and whinge about “How am I supposed to stick to my program when the whole world is conspiring against me?”
Last time I did this program, I had gone to visit friends out of state, and -when promises of no problems cooking to support my diet were totally disregarded – I let it get to me. I walked around claiming that I had become “broken” by the experience, and from that moment on the process became a struggle. Eventually, I got tired of months of struggling and gave up, which is how I ended up gaining back most of the weight.
I am not sure what it will take for me not to let myself fall into that state of mind again. Awareness is surely part of it, and having good friends who can call me on it when they hear me falling into it and who I can brainstorm with to find ways to keep on track, but I need to find a reframe that won’t sound like “pie in the sky optimism” when I am at what feels like the bottom of a fairly deep well.
So my questions today are, Do you really believe that you can change your limiting beliefs so that you can change your actions when facing a significant challenge? How do you pick yourself up after a fall? How do you let go of whatever it is that could stop you, so you can get back on track without beating yourself up or blaming the universe?
Food and Weight: An Ongoing Journey 